Miserable Moment

I was just wondering, about the day when my moment of the most miserable failure in my life took place. I don’t remember the exact date but I’m sure it was Sunday.

I remember that I was just finishing my homework and saw Doraemon on TV in the morning. Oh did you know Doraemon has been on our national TV for more than 17 years? Quite amazing, yes?

Anyway, my mom saw me sitting too close to the TV and asked me why I was doing that. I said it was blurry to watch the TV from distance. I didn’t realize what that weird blurry meant.

At noon, me, my father and my mother went to an airshow at Kemayoran. It was amazing. I saw the show with binoculars. It was incredible how the pilots piloted their plane. So engaging; very stunning, as if we were watching dancers in the sky. Those top guns also acted like great painters, filling the sky with beautiful colors and forms. But that wasn’t all. One of the pilots was my uncle!

Then he took me to see his jet at the hangar. It was an F-14 Tomcat, an assault fighter jet with great maneuverability and speed, my uncle told me with enthusiasm. What was most amazing that day was that I got to sit in the cockpit! I could hold the steering stick, and wear my uncle’s helmet. I told myself confidently, “I will be an ace.”

After the airshow, we didn’t go straight home. We went to an eye doctor at the Jakarta Eye Center in Cikini. My parents asked me to run some tests with the doctor. I didn’t argue much as I was still excited about the air show and about becoming a pilot.

The tests were just standard eye tests: reading some word charts with one eye, seeing a red dot in an eye microscope, and so on. The results came back instantly. My eye doctor said I got 1.25 minus in both eyes so it was necessary for me to wear glasses. I said that was okay as long as the glasses would fit in my pilot helmet. The room suddenly became silent.

Then my dad took me to another room and told me that a pilot must have a perfect or near perfect sighting ability. A pilot is not allowed to wear minus glasses. Bottom line: I could never be a pilot. It felt like Judgment Day. I was mad at my father, my doctor and also at myself. How could I let something like this happen to me? I should’ve taken care of my eyes more carefully. I should’ve protected them.

At home, I ripped up all of my airplane posters. I threw away all of my toy planes. I hated them.