Tiga warna danau itu jadi satu

Biru muda, hijau muda dan hitam. Itu yang kita lihat bersama dulu. Kamu masih ingat? Tadi pagi kubaca di surat kabar kalau ketiganya menjadi hijau muda. Dan tetap tak ada yang tahu kenapa.

Tentang kamu, semua masih terlihat nyata meski aku tidak ingin menjadi pengingat yang hebat. Karena rasa itu masih memelukku. Bukan sisa, tapi utuh adanya.

Kita putuskan menutup hari Minggu indah itu dengan sebuah ciuman. Pintu sudah terkunci, lampu telah dimatikan. Sejuta satu jurus kupersiapkan untuk segala keindahan setelah bibir kita bersentuhan.

Mmmmwwh….

Zap! Dalam sekejap semua jurus menghilang. Kelembutan, ketenangan hembusan serta keeratan dekapanmu menarikku begitu dalam. Jauh meninggalkan kesadaran dan kemampuan untuk tetap waras. Aku lenyap. Kau hilangkan akuku.

“Kamu…,” ucapmu begitu indah.
“Tidak, kamu…,” ucapku tanpa tahu artinya.

Hanya dengan sebuah ciuman, jutaan gombal, ribuan sentuhan dan ratusan adegan bercinta yang pernah terjadi sebelum kamu punah tanpa makna. Kalau mereka itu piala, pecah semua seketika. Yang tersisa hanyalah kedungu-an tidak tahu harus melakukan apa. Memelukmu terlalu erat adalah dayaku. Jurus murahan yang tak pernah kugunakan. Kau pun menjadi sangat heran,

“Kamu kenapa?”

Aku tak langsung menjawab. Meski dalam hati berteriak, “jatuh cintaaa!” Berteriak dalam hati membantu melepaskan kegilaan dan mengembalikan kewarasan, aku pun menemukan jawaban,

“Kamu mandi sana, bau prengus.”

Tiba-tiba dibalikannya badanku, dan dibisikannya pelan ke kupingku sebelum ia menjilat dan melahapnya,

“Aku bikin kita berdua bau prengus.”


Terimakasih sudah menarikku dan rasa cinta hingga kembali bersentuhan.

Hey you, stranger

It was you who I talked to for the first time after the news. From all of the strangers, I half-conscious picked you. Why? I even hadn’t had a change to spoke to myself. How could that be? Blurred it out like some shallow spoiled youngest kid.

And why have you listened to me? Why didn’t you just go back playing with your kids? You should’ve stopped me. Damn, I’m losing my own mystery.

I never need anybody to hear my problems and said things I wanna hear. I always got me, myself, and I. And they’ve been great keeping me not completely insane.

But you shared your remarkable life and greatest secret. Touched, I was.

Although, just like you, the trust raised the claustrophobia. Good thing you’re far away, therefore I won’t have to make a distance.

So, thank you, strange-close stranger.

Or will I be sitting at Cafe Terrace on the Place du Forum? Sipping hot chocolate with. Anyone. I won't mind.

image: http://www.vangoghgallery.com/catalog/Painting/53/Caf%C3%A9-Terrace-on-the-Place-du-Forum,-Arles,-at-Night,-The.html

Will I see myself in front of The Hague's new church anytime soon?

image: www.vangoghgallery.com/catalog/Watercolor/1897/View-of-The-Hague-with-the-New-Church.html

Stalker

Lama ia menanti saat dimana obyek merasakan sedih yang mendalam. Ingin melihat rasa sakit yang selama ini ia rasakan sebagai penderita. Sebuah momen yang ia pikir akan membuatnya tertawa, atau setidaknya merasa puas.

Namun ternyata ia ikut merasa sedih.

Tidak seharusnya ia merasakan itu. Mengapa masih harus peduli? Apakah ia masih peduli?

Pikirannya mengatakan hal utama yang membuatnya sedih adalah obyek yang tidak membagi kesedihan bersamanya. Kenyataan yang menohok bahwa ia masih sangat peduli kepada obyek sedangkan obyek sama sekali tidak.

Ketidakberadaannya di sisi obyek saat obyek berada di titik kesedihan yang begitu dalam membuatnya merasa kecewa kepada dirinya. Mengikis kepercayaan diri karena terbukti ia tidak berarti di mata orang yang ia peduli.

Terkucil. Tersingkir. Tak berdaya.

Namun tak lama kemudian ia tersenyum.

Ia baru saja menerima karmanya.

Sahabat Malam

Entah karena malam di Amsterdam sedang bersahabat atau suasana hati yang temaram, Malam di pinggir taman ini sangat nyaman. Merasa seperti dipeluk dengan dekapan yang cukup. Tidak terlalu kencang, tidak terlalu kendur. Malam yang patut dihirup dalam-dalam.

Pikirannya melayang bertanya-tanya ke mana hati terbang. Lebih baik dicuri saja, terasa lebih ringan. Malam bilang hati sedang menyusul harapan. Mengejar si suatu saatnya. Lengkap bersama ke mana dan sampai kapan yang selalu menuntut jawaban.

Sudah lama badannya kosong akan ketenangan. Keteraturan. Kepuasan. Meresap…dan merasa…Mengisinya akan meluruskan makna, mengeratkan jiwa, menghidupkan aura.

"Berhentilah segera," Malam meniupkan asa.

Tanpa kata, malam banyak berbicara kepadanya. Bercerita palsunya dunia tanpa harapan. Mahakarya terbuang demi angka. Terkungkungnya jiwa karena keluarga. Alasan demi alasan berwujud realita hadir bernyawa.

Malam mengangguk saat ia sadar kehidupan dibangun dari pengorbanan. Teman yang mengatakan dibangun dari mimpi pasti belum pernah kelaparan, belum pernah melihat ibunya tidak makan karenanya. Malam pun mengingatkan kembali untuk tersenyum, menuju kejujuran.

Sesuai mimpi, hatinya tak lagi betah singgah. Sehingga betapa pun sakitnya, ia akan bertahan.

Bersama Malam.

You are the someday of my life.

Blacked Out

I was worried too much.

I must not allow myself to do that again.

Ever.

Ever?

Awake

The longing chat ended the hibernation.

Birth a maybe.

So, mac & cheese?

The Wisdom of Larry David on Emotion

"If you tell the truth about how you're feeling,
it becomes funny."

Wahai pembaca blog

Langsung aja ya, gw ada permintaan khusus nih, yaitu: kasih komentar donk.

Berkat Penghitung Pengunjung yang ada di paling bawah halaman, gw jadi tahu kalau ternyata blog ini dibaca secara berkala. Walau entah oleh siapa.

Kasih komennya tetap sebagai anonymous aja, kita nggak usah kenal lagi di sini, asal bisa interaksi. Karena gw suka ngobrol sama orang asing. Jadi kita di sini ngomong2 tanpa pretensi, cuma membahas esensi, meskipun sebenarnya kalian adalah orang-orang yang gw kenal bahkan pernah deket.

Boleh ya dicoba? Terimakasih sebelumnya.

Burat

A morning call

He’s not meeting the past as he’s too excited for the future. Been trying to wash out the nothing, the no imperfection of a kind. See something he started and forgot to continue. A shortcoming present.

“Conceal the heart as the wise precaution,” his master said.

“Really? If we would, shouldn’t we should? What if, it is?”

“What it is doesn’t mean it should.”

“What makes it should then?”

“A virtue.”

A little of you just sparked

She left residues of the shot. Forgot to be careful as flight to Venice waited her. She was not she used to be. She no longer a painseeker. Ticket already in the backpack. All the bricks were break.

But not the disguise. On the passenger seat she saw her own reflection by accident. The passion in a cheap-o-hotel, up on the hills. The touch of love from the blue eyes. She’s into what she was made of, the dreams.

“Sorry to disturb your silent, my dear. You forgot your wrinkles. Here.”

"Thank you", he already knew, she thought.

Into a deep sea she went to cure the cause. Clearing to the masses. The wave of happiness gave her a smile.

One wish she declared, “I hope you’re good. I really do.”

Not to kill is killing

A bounty hunter was on a vacation. She just finished the hardest job ever, killed her own love.

Another bounty hunter also in a vacation, they met and made love.

One night she asked, “Why are you on a vacation?”

“I wanna be hurt.”

“Why?”

“So I can kill again. You?”

“I’m quitting.”

“Why?”

“Age.”

“Really?”

“Joke. I don’t want to kill people that I love again, I don’t wanna feel the pain again. To love is my dream, and I’ve killed it. I still want to love, so I should stop killing.”

“A bounty hunter cannot resign, you know that.”

“You’re wrong. Just shut up and make love.”

“Good. That would be hurt.”

She’s trying hard to forget her last job and just to love the other bounty hunter. But in the middle of the love making, she doubted that she killed her loved one.

“Do you love me?”, she asked.

He surely knows the answer, he just hate to say it.

“You’re asking me just to now that there will always be someone that loves you?”

“Because there always is”

“Then my answer is I really do.”

“You’re saying that just to get hurt?”

“Hmm…ok wait a sec…”

“What? What are you doing?”

The bounty hunter took something from the drawer and put it in his mouth. He kissed her.

The next day she packed her things.

“I have to go, I haven't really finished my last assignment. But I think I’m ready to kill again, thanks to you. And thank you for the ring.”

She gave him back the ring. He nodded and smiled.

“Good bye.”

“Thank you, again.”

As she leaves, he opened his laptop and answered an email. “The job is not done, give it to somebody else. I quit”

Good things come to an end. Always.

Siang itu awan sengaja menutupi sinar sang surya. Agar langkah pria menjadi lebih ringan menuju keputusan yang tidak mungkin ia katakan kepada si pencuri hati.

Pria malah berharap pingsan karena teriknya surya agar keputusan tertunda.

Selamanya.

Tapi ia lupa selamanya itu berbatas.

Drugs Do Work

I’m having a drugsurrection.

I let myself died. She pulled the trigger, yes, but I’m not blaming her. I’m the one who gave her the gun and asked her to pull the trigger. So she did. And I was dead.

For a week.

Nobody helped me but the drugs. They helped me cure without saying a word. How convenient is that?

Not like people, drugs never lie. But they cover up something. They always do. Mostly pain.

Now I’m running out of them. Not even to the end of this week. By then I have to stay alive without them. Can I?

You know what funny about all this? I had seen it. And I also saw what me-and-she-not-we gonna see.

Oh I really need more drugs.

Or…maybe…

a total stranger to talk to.

Yup. A pretty one, please ;)

paru-paruku digenangi airmata.

"THIS TOO SHALL PASS!"

my crawling hands, soft lips, wild tongue and nibbler teeth wanna time wasting with you.

so much.

"...the sun don't shine forever.

You gotta let it go"